While the goal of Bystander Intervention is to provide students with the tools to prevent and eliminate sexual violence at BC, we do know that – unfortunately – sexual violence is still occurring. Many of our community members have been personally impacted by sexual violence.
With that being said, we want to provide resources that empower and support survivors. View the SANet resources website.
If a friend/loved one discloses to you that they are a survivor of sexual violence, here are some ways you can support them:
- Believe the survivor. When they tell you what happened, say “I believe you.” Research has shown that survivors don’t come forward and share what happened to them for fear that they won’t be believed. This fear of being believed can be compounded for folks with intersecting identities.
- Don’t imply responsibility or play investigator. Rape culture makes survivors feel it is their fault that they were assaulted. We know that this is absolutely not the case. Do not imply that they may have somehow been responsible for what happened to them, and don’t play the role of investigator. What matters is that your friend feels supported, rather than questioned or at-fault.
- Empower your friend. When someone is sexually assaulted, their agency is taken away from them. When supporting a survivor, it’s important to empower them to regain their agency in any way possible. One way to regain agency is for a survivor to make their own choices of who to tell and how to seek help. Rather than telling your friend what they should do, present them with some options – and remind them that they are in control of what they do next (i.e., “How can I be most helpful right now?”).
Above all, do not worry about “saying the wrong thing” or not remembering all of these tips. As long as you come from a place of compassion, you will do a great job supporting them. The person who has disclosed to you already feels that they can trust you. Being there for them and what they need is all that matters!